Your Happiness
by CrazyPlushy
Summary: Love is what keeps me from letting you go but if your happiness does not lie within me then I am willing to let go of my own happiness for you. PeterxAlice oneshot. Slight BloodxAlice


**Good Day people! This is my very first story. I've been lurking in this fandom for awhile reading a lot of really wonderful stories and thought "hey, what about if I make my own story" and hence this little baby. Yeah~ sorry if it's a little dull or something. I'm still practicing my literary skills :D .**

**I don't particularly like Peter White but I do appreciate his persistence. From my observations, there are a few Peter likers out there so, I've decided to make a sad fic about him.**

**Do enjoy please! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Joker/Clover/Heart no kuni no Alice ; _ ;**

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Peter's P.O.V.

Love was a fool's game.

Heh, I couldn't agree more.

I was being a fool; a great fool and for what?

That's right for _love_; that sweet and deceitful four lettered feeling craved by everyone throughout this world. A feeling that many would kill for.

The same feeling that promises happiness and contentment once it is at one's grasp but later, mercilessly crushes those promises the moment it starts to lose its so called magic; a comforter and a trickster at the same time.

This is the feeling that makes me, Peter White, so happy yet so miserable.

Content yet somewhat unsatisfied.

Loved yet unloved.

Quite confusing isn't it? Well, Love had made me stupid without me knowing. I was so lost in the feeling that by the time the object of my affections' feelings for me started to wane, I was unable to do anything. It broke my clock when I discovered that a large portion of her precious heart had already been captured by a man; a man who I despised greatly. Who would this man be but the leader of the Hatter family, Blood Dupre.

But I knew. I knew right from the start that when she agreed to reciprocate my love for her that she had meant it half-heartedly. I honestly did not mind then for I was too blinded by my happiness to even care. I knew that she did not love me wholly. Hell, I knew that she loved me because she pitied me, but that was okay.

I simply disregarded that fact and shoved it in the deepest recesses of my consciousness as I revelled in the present euphoria of finally winning at least a bit of Alice's affection. As long as Alice, my dear sweet Alice, was beside me I was satisfied . . . at least at first.

Our interaction as a couple was quite plain and normal nevertheless was worthwhile, especially for me. Alice would frequently visit the Heart Castle when I was available, telling me that I shouldn't slack off work because of her. We would then walk around the rose gardens or have a little snack beside the rose bushes under a shady tree talking about our tasks for the day or other seemingly trivial matters. We were happy, I thought.

Countless times, I have tried to make her smile; I did not fail but I couldn't help noticing that almost all of those smiles and kind comments she bestows upon me lately were rather strained and almost, though I hate thinking about it, _fake_.

I didn't point out those frequent times when I ask her something but asks me to repeat the question again. If that were not the case, she would answer me a few seconds later as she seemed to struggle to remember the question and think of a quick answer to my query.

It's as if there's always something that's troubling her mind.

I became concerned a little while later and asked her what was wrong. I offered her my help, whatever the matter was but she told me that it was nothing and that she was okay. "Just a little stressed" was the reason that she told me.

Then one day, I discovered the truth of why she was having a lot of trouble focusing. I was quite desperate to know the reason of her behaviour so I asked that sickly incubus for the answer; his reply shocked me.

She was guilty.

Guilty for using me as a substitute for Blood Dupre when she knew deep in her heart that I could never take his place. That would explain the look I would catch her with whenever she thought I wasn't looking; the look that held confusion, pain and guilt.

After I heard the news, I felt rather- optimistic actually. If it will make her happy to finally have that worthless sack of dirt off of her mind then I would gladly make her forget.

So for the next few weeks, I've worked hard to make her forget of any possible thing that could remind her of her past love. Knowing that she adores stuffed animals, I made it a habit to buy her one whenever one catches her eye. I also bought other gifts such as dresses and jewelry much to her feminine delight. Whenever there were events that took place in wonderland, I always invite her to come with me. One particular event was during a festival held at the Amusement park where I saw her dressed so beautifully that I was stunned, paralyzed by her gorgeousness. We had fun playing games in different stalls and helped ourselves with the food that was sold everywhere. There were a few gunshots fired during our fun moment because of a silly knight and a mangy cat but all ended well and we continued to enjoy the night. I had definitely made her happy that night and I will never forget that moment when I took her in my arms and kissed her under the fireworks that colored the dark night sky and, for a moment I thought I finally managed to capture her completely but, I was wrong.

No matter what I did, I just can't seem to make her forget. And that's when Nightmare told me that Alice was spending a lot more time with the Hatter lately. Maybe that was why she doesn't visit me as frequently as before. He mentioned that her feelings for Blood were yet to subside and that I should be wary if I wanted to keep her beside me.

I was doubtful of his warning nevertheless followed it. I was confident that whatever feelings she had with Blood was history but when I saw them strolling around town, my clock sunk at the blissful expression she wore. She was _actually happy_.

Then the most horrifying scene happened. Blood dipped down and kissed _my Alice_. And the most gut wrenching thing was that she did not pull away and simply stayed there. She almost seemed to be enjoying it and I could only gape in horror. Time stopped for me then as if it wanted me to feel the hurt until I lost my breath and die right there from the intense pain that was ripping my clock apart.

"_A-Alice? Why? Why? WHY?!"_

That word kept repeating inside my head as I was taken aback by the dull pain that shot through my chest, pulling and twisting my clock as a lump formed in my throat and air refused to enter my lungs. I leaned on the wall as I spied Alice slightly open her eyes and glance at my direction. I quickly turned around and walked the opposite direction when I saw her push herself away from a confused and hazy eyed Blood.

I did not run; I just walked briskly with my head hung low and my arms and legs stiff. The small alley opened up to a portion of the forest that leads to the castle. The forest was dark and silent and very dangerous at this time of night. I could hear the tapping of shoes behind me on the alley's pavement but I kept going forward, following the muddy path towards the castle. I could hear her getting closer but at that point, all I could feel was numbness and pain until I felt small hands circle my wrist. I didn't need to turn around to know who it was; the voice that came after only proved that it was who I thought it was.

"Peter, I can explain."

I couldn't answer right away because of my racing thoughts; all held confusion, hurt and rage and it was mind-numbing that I couldn't find the voice or the strength to even talk to her ; scared that I might let go words of anger that should never be said.

"Peter?"

I remained motionless as she tugged on my hand.

"Peter, please speak to me." she sounded pleading and I could hear that hint of guilt in her voice again. "Peter it's not what it looked like. I-I . . ." she stuttered an excuse her voice unsure "I was just walking around town and-and I bumped into Blood. I-I was going straight for the castle to visit you but then Blood-"

Suddenly a foreign surge went through me completely numbing my senses as heat started to envelope the back of my neck. Without knowing, I had balled up both my fists and started trembling a little. Heat rushed through me making me want to hit something, to scream and to shoot something dead. Is this . . . anger? Hell, I don't care. I ripped my hand away from her and I heard her gasp. A lump was lodged in my throat but I managed swallow it down and face her. I didn't know how I looked at her but by the shocked and frightened look on her face, I must have looked menacing.

"**Don't** tell me that what I saw back there isn't what I thought it was, Alice," I started, mouthing every word in a cold laced voice as I took a few steps towards her. "because anyone with two functional eyes would clearly be able to see that **you and that piece of **-"

I turned around my left hand angrily raking my hair backwards as I tried to calm myself from the oncoming surge of anger that should never be directed towards her. I stayed like that for a few minutes and she just stood there motionless.

It's so unfair. I loved her. I _truly _loved her and she mercilessly threw my love away for another just like that. It hurt so much that for the first time in a long time, tears started to form in my eyes.

"I love you, Alice." My voice cracked as I slightly turned around to face her. She was holding her hands as she looked down, ashamed, tears silently gliding down her face. That sight crushed my heart. I made her cry but she also broke my clock. My hands were twitching to reach out to her but I held still. "and I thought you loved me too."

"But I do love you Peter! I love you s-!"

"Then how can you do this to me?!" My anger took over me and I shouted towards the ground. I whipped around and grabbed her shoulders. " I **love **you Alice! I love you _so fucking _much that I couldn't bear to not have you with me, that I'd go crazy if you ever left me, that I'd rather kill myself than live without you! Why-? Why can't you ever understand that?!" I asked shaking her shoulders as she started sobbing. She clutched my jacket and apologized over and over as I lay my forehead on her head before I let go and ran.

"Peter- Peter wait please! Peter!"

I heard her shout out crying as she fell to the ground. I ran towards the castle, the pain and frustration still ripping through my clock. Dammit. After everything that I've done it always seemed that everything I did was somehow not enough for her. It frustrated me beyond reason. I did everything that I could possibly think of to make her happy but it was no use.

Was I possibly lacking something?

Was I . . . Was I not enough for her?

I had been so frustrated with the questions and doubts in my head that I shot every faceless I encountered that night as I wandered inside the palace. The Queen threw a fit right after my rampage; complaining at how much blood was on the halls, walls, carpets and curtains. She let it go eventually although grudgingly, knowing full well that she couldn't lay her prim manicured finger on me, especially when I'm not in a good mood.

I went straight to my room to brood for the next two days until I've gained back a bit of my senses.

I have made her cry. I pressured her too much the other day and if I continue this she might snap and . . . and . . .

I groaned and clutched by head.

"_FOOL!"_

I _shouldn't_ have hurt her and raised my voice at her. That was me being selfish and insensitive. I mean, she might leave me because of it and God knows what I'll do if she ever left my side. My mind instantly stopped operating at the thought.

.

.

What _will _I do if she left me?

.

.

.

I might die . . . kill myself even. The thought of her leaving me left me with a sinking feeling. It's as if my clock is being pulled down to the pits of the earth. It left me paralyzed by fear just thinking about it. I gripped the backrest of a nearby chair and frowned.

No, I wouldn't let that happen. I _will_ make her happy. Yes, that's what I'll do. And if the only way to make her happy is to let her be _with_ the Hatter . . . then-

I gripped the chair tighter.

"_-then so be it."_

The door to my room creaked open and I turned slightly to my left to see Alice peek through the crack.

"Peter?" she called out softly as she went in and closed the door behind her. I turned to face her. I haven't really talked to her for the past two days. Then again, I was avoiding her. I suddenly felt guilty. How could I ignore her like that? She must have been lonely when I was away with no one to-

That's right. She has the _Hatter. _I felt my bangs cover my eyes as I turned my back on her and faced the window.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the night, my dear?" I asked a little coldly. I couldn't explain the feeling of hurt when I said it that way but I kept my eyes from looking at her knowing that I would fall for her innocent teal orbs.

"I- I came to apologize about earlier that day. I-" She stopped and I saw her avert her eyes from the reflection of the window as I saw her grip her skirt and bite her lip. " I'm sorry for what happened. I really love you, Peter but I guess I haven't moved on from my feelings for Blood yet but I'm willing to forget about him, a-and" she paused before looking forward. "I-I'm hoping that you'd give me another chance, Peter. I'm really sorry."

"_Oh Alice, I know that you love Blood more than me."_

My eyes softened when I heard the sadness and regret in her voice. I turned around and took in her face. I shook my head and took a few steps towards her. I took her trembling hands and brought it to my lips, kissing them tenderly. "No, my dear, I should be the one asking for forgiveness. I acted too brashly and never thought that you might not have wanted it to happen."

I felt her fist tighten.

"So, am I forgiven?"

I was ready to let her go. To be free and be able to be with Blood but I looked into her eyes and saw so much love and regret that it made my decision waver for a while. Maybe there is a chance after all but I remember the time when I held her close at the festival. I was so sure that she had already been entirely mine but unfortunately, she wasn't. I couldn't handle that kind of pain anymore. I look back at her hopeful eyes and smiled softly.

"I love you Alice and you love me. That's all that matters."

I stared into her eyes watching them spark with happiness but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I intend to let her go. I know now that she loves me but, I could still feel that her love is still not entirely intended for me. I will let her free when she is ready; when she realizes that she will never be happy with me. For now, I will give her the happiness that she needs before I let her go. It's selfish that I would want her to myself for a while longer and keep her away from what's going to make her happy but this is all I ask right now; to be able to feel the last bit of my happiness that was her. I will let her leave me . . . eventually.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked me as those tired yet alluring eyes filled with worry. I smiled softly and reached out to embrace her. I sensed her stiffen when I held her but she relaxed and wrapped her arms around me after a few seconds.

"I know something's bothering you Peter. Are you alright?" her voice came out softly.

I leaned next to her ear and kissed the part just above it before murmuring lovingly.

"I'm alright my dear, do not worry, okay?" she nodded as I felt her rest her head on my shoulders sighing. A sad smile formed across my face as my hold on her tightened.

Deep inside, I know that she will leave me one day. And although it breaks my clock knowing that fact, I wouldn't mind now if she didas long as she finds her happiness.

Besides, if that son of a b**** breaks her heart, I'll be there to fire a bullet straight up his mafia behind. I'll always be there for her when she breaks down and cry. Always.

I felt her weight lean towards my shoulder as I realized then that she fell asleep. I chuckled lightly and kissed the crown of her head before I scooped her up and laid her on the bed. I watched her sleeping form as she took in small steady breaths.

I stared at her open and plump lips feeling the desire to press my own against them. I leaned my hand on the bed frame while my other hand supported my weight; pushing down on the side of the bed. I leaned in slowly closing my eyes as I felt the breaths escaping her mouth then when I was mere centimetres from her delicate lips, she whispered.

"Blood . . ."

Those words hit my clock with a thousand bullets not only because it wasn't my name that was being called but also because she whispered it so intimately and . . . _longingly_. I gripped the bed sheets and looked away as I scoffed at my stupidity and faced the wall; staring at it with a scornful sneer. I am aware of the Hatter's playful attitude towards women and I refuse to make him toy with my love. Although, even I have noticed that Blood has recently changed into a much gentle man which somehow eased my clock.

I glanced at her face and my eyes quickly softened. I leaned in again but this time I pressed my lips on her cheek, careful not to wake her up. I straightened up and made my way to the door. I grabbed the handle and took one final glance at her slumbering form then I left the room. I leaned on the door and stared on the blood red carpet on the ground.

"_She is my most precious love and will always will be but . . ."_

I raised my head and stared at the ceiling. "-but if _the hatter _truly is the one who will make you happy, Alice, then-" I trailed off then I smiled bitterly. I shook my head as I walked down the hall.

_TAP_

_TAP_

_TAP_

That's right.

I gripped my chest as I fell to a decision. To this day, I swear on my life. I, Peter White, will always be beside her no matter what the cost. I made a tight smile as I added with a sad note

"_I swear to love and protect her even if it means doing it from afar. My clock, no matter how cracked and shattered it is will always belong to her." _

TICK

TOCK

TICK

TOCK

"Always."

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**So that's it. Do leave a review and tell me if it was awful or awesome :D. I would really appreciate constructive criticism from you guys. Review please!**


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